Sony is Number 1

So I have debated for a few days about whether or not I would do a post about the PSN scandal...based on the title of this post I'm sure you can tell which way I decided to go. But I didn't want to post a rant on PSN and why Xbox Live is so much better (cause no matter how mad I am even I can't tell that lie), so I decided to do a rant about many things. So let's call this My On Notice Board. These are the top 7 things that I'm putting On Notice. For me 'On Notice' means if you don't cut that shit out (and you know what you're doing) there will be repercussions. So let's get the ball rolling with Number 7.

Scientifically accurate.

7. Fanboys 
No, I don't mean that neat movie that came out a while back. I mean you d*ck riding fanboys. If you're not chokin' on Sony's nuts, you're building a summer home on Bill Gates' juevos. And don't think you Android and Apple fanboys are safe either. Hey dude with the Evo, we all know that 6 months ago, you had an iPhone and were bragging that it was the best thing on the market. Don't kid yourself. And to all of you Mac toting hipsters: Get the f*ck out of my Starbucks! Whew, I'm feelin' better already. 

6. Twilight Haters
I know that right now it's super cool to rag on Twilight, but what have you accomplished? I've yet to hear an intelligent criticism of the Twilight books or the movie. It's all the same "I hate Twilight." Why? "Cause teenage girls are obsessed with it." You know what else teenage girls are obsessed with? I'll tell you: Harry Potter, Maroon 5, The Strokes, Guitar Hero, Wii, Coldplay, Kings of Leon, Paramore, Eminem, Bruno Mars, TI, and many more things that you like too. So if you're gonna start hating things that girls hate, you're gonna have to give up a few things that you thought you had the monopoly on. Sorry, suckers! Get it? Suckers. Cause it's about vampires? No one? Ok. *slinks away in shame*

You know you want this hug.

5. People That Question Why I don't like Music Festivals
Ok I know that's a really long title, but I've been running into more and more of these people lately and I'm about to lose it! I don't know what it is about one trip to Bonnaroo that makes people think that they're enlightened beings on the fast track to Nirvana, but whatever it is, I'll pass. I don't know why people think that they're so cool because they spent 3 days sans showers surrounded by equally dirty strangers. Without going into the other drawbacks, I think I've said enough. No showers. Dirty strangers. Sounds like a bad dream to me...one that I had to pay $300 for. No thank you. I'll keep my money and my indoor plumbing, if you don't mind.

4. Kill Stealers
You know who you are and what you've done. Now stop it! Seriously. Every time I look up I'm gunning some poor sap down and my jerk face teammate runs through and puts the kibosh on the guy. Didn't you see me killing him? I mean I liken kill stealing to if I were hitting on someone and someone else ran up and kissed her before I could hand her a drink. Back off! Go die in a fire! Just leave me alone *cries in a corner*

Been looking for an excuse to post this pic.

3. John Mayer Haters
He wails on the guitar. He's got tattoos. He gets laid. Often. He doesn't care what people think. He says whatever he wants. His music is awesome. We all know why you're jealous, but the only difference between JM and any dude on the streets is his confidence. So stop hating and start emulating. Pick up a guitar and dig up some self-esteem. Seriously, I don't wanna hear it anymore.

Nuf said.

2. Fox News
What rant list is complete without Fox News? Exactly, so I had to include them. I don't feel I need to say anything else about it. You wanna fight about it? Bring. It. On.

1. Sony Entertainment
I think we all know why Sony is number one. If you don't know then this is probably not a blog that will interest you on a regular basis. I'm also mad at Sony for coming up with Blu-ray. You didn't even spell it right, and you didn't come up with it fast enough. DVDs still get the job done, why would I spend more money on Blu-ray? Didn't really think that through did you? As long as PS3s will play DVDs I'll not be buying Blu-ray copies, unless there's going to be a serious price drop. Also, the company who makes the most bad ass console on the market should not be making crappy cell phones. Did you think we hadn't noticed? Well we did. Stop with the Sony-Ericcson pieces o' crap! Oh and I expect to be compensated for the scandal in the form of you bastards paying for my next 7 brand new PS3 games. I'm not kidding. Uncharted 3 is out 11/1/11. I expect my copy at my door at Midnight. I want it delivered by Katy Perry. These terms are non-negotiable. 


Well that was fun! I hope you laughed a little. Until next time, happy pwning!